Shit Timber's parents say..

Dad

Thu, 28 Jun 2012 01:12:47 -0400

*boxing match between Ortiz and Lopez*
Dad: I don’t know about you but I want the Mexican to win.

Mom

Sat, 12 May 2012 01:32:11 -0400

Smashing Pumpkins song “Soma” comes on
Mom: ooh Soma this is my night time fwend!

Mom & dad

Tue, 08 May 2012 21:57:13 -0400

Mom: I’m making salad for dinner
Dad: I wanted salad you must have read my mind
Mom: I did
Dad: did you see all the naked little boys too?
Mom: …….

Mom

Fri, 04 May 2012 01:01:24 -0400

(holding a key)
I’m gonna put this up your asshole!

Dad

Fri, 04 May 2012 01:00:48 -0400

Hey Ian, smell my balls.

Dad

Mon, 30 Apr 2012 22:33:49 -0400

(Commercial about Jesus Touching People)

Where is he touching them?

Dad

Mon, 23 Apr 2012 01:43:29 -0400

Whatever floats your ballsack in your mouth.

Dad

Sun, 22 Apr 2012 01:27:55 -0400

Ian you should take a shower with me because I haven’t been able to wash my back.

Dad

Sun, 22 Apr 2012 01:27:12 -0400

I only shower from the neck up and I’m fine.

Dad

Fri, 20 Apr 2012 17:46:34 -0400

Ian’s lady friend: does peeing on a rattlesnake bite heal it?

Dad: no ill just take a shit on you and you put half on the wound and you eat the other half and that fixes it.

Dad

Fri, 20 Apr 2012 17:44:00 -0400

We went to Applebee’s for our weekly date and your mom had an appetizer, an entree and part of the table.

Dad

Thu, 19 Apr 2012 21:04:15 -0400

Friend:
Don’t you hate it when your balls itch while your driving but you need both hands to turn and you have to wait..
Dad:
Nahh I just have Timber scratch them for me.

Dad

Mon, 16 Apr 2012 01:13:58 -0400

Hey timber what’s the name of those mountains?
Witch titties mountains.

Mom

Mon, 16 Apr 2012 01:13:00 -0400

I LOVE DONKEYS!!!!

Dad

Mon, 16 Apr 2012 01:12:00 -0400

she’s more attractive than you. I’d do her all day long. But I wouldn’t do it in her asshole. Not until I got to know her a little bit.

Dad

Mon, 16 Apr 2012 01:11:00 -0400

Once you go black you never go back. Don’t let that serpent get near you.

Dad & mom

Mon, 16 Apr 2012 01:11:00 -0400

Dad: fuck you in the ass!

Mom: (seductively) that’s attractive.

Dad

Mon, 16 Apr 2012 01:10:00 -0400

Hey timber help me t-bag your brother.