*boxing match between Ortiz and Lopez*
Dad: I don’t know about you but I want the Mexican to win.
Smashing Pumpkins song “Soma” comes on
Mom: ooh Soma this is my night time fwend!
Mom & dad
Mom: I’m making salad for dinner
Dad: I wanted salad you must have read my mind
Mom: I did
Dad: did you see all the naked little boys too?
(holding a key)
I’m gonna put this up your asshole!
(Commercial about Jesus Touching People)
Where is he touching them?
Whatever floats your ballsack in your mouth.
Ian you should take a shower with me because I haven’t been able to wash my back.
I only shower from the neck up and I’m fine.
Ian’s lady friend: does peeing on a rattlesnake bite heal it?
Dad: no ill just take a shit on you and you put half on the wound and you eat the other half and that fixes it.